Arcadia Run

By Tali Sachs

"You better git, boy."

It was my daddy on the floorboards above me and my momma's place. I shrunk lower under them.

My momma'd dug it way back when to hide from him durin' times like tonight when he ran 'round the house with his whip and liquor.

"You got a death wish, boy?" his voice thundered above us, along with his boots.

I shuddered and Momma put her arm 'round me.

"Don't you listen to him, Willy. If any man got bad in him, it's your daddy. You just put your trust in God and you'll do good," she whispered to me. She was always tellin' me to put my trust in God, that if I'd just believe and say my prayers instead of skippin' out on church to go rompin' in the swamp with Petey and Mae Lee, I'd git to Heaven when this life was over.

We waited until daylight to come out again.

I found Miz Lacy in the morning hangin' over the wash basin with soakin' towels and puttin' them up on the line. She was my nanny of sorts, always takin' care of me when my momma'd git busy. Daddy said she weren't nothin' but a goddamned nigger but momma told me never to use that word. She said Miz Lacy and her kind, they was children of God just like us, and it was a sin if I done think any worse of them just 'cause they was cursed with skin the color of mud. Daddy said he'd kill 'em all and I believed him. Momma said he was just darn crazy mad and I trusted her 'cause she was my momma but the rest of them townsfolk seemed more sidin' with Daddy.

"Hey, ya'll," Miz Lacy said to us.

"Hey there, Lacy," said Momma as she picked up a wet towel and started to wring it. Miz Lacy eyed her curiously before continuing to work. "He do anythin' to you last night?" Momma asked her.

"Good girl, Lacy," Momma said and patted her on the shoulder.

"You bin so kin' ma'am, Ah-"

"I expect we gone have to git you and your folks out sooner'n we thought with John's bein' crazy now. I done spoke to the folks and you's all set up to go's long as we git you to the highway. We got folks ready to git you gone from here all the way up through New Yawk."

Miz Lacy looked at me then back at Momma and Momma turned quick to face me.

"Git on out, Willy Boy," she said to me. "Go play."

"But ain't we goin' to church?" I said bein' that it was Sunday.

"Not today, Willy," she said. "Go play, now."

"But the swamp's too high, Momma!" I complained.

"Jus' git!"

She swung a towel at my hind quarters and I ran away to Mae Lee's and Petey's. By God I would finish that fort with them today and we'd go play hooky in it when school was in.

Yoohoo!" I called up to Mae Lee from a branch of the live oak outside her window.

It was a minute til her window opened.

"Whada you want, Willy?" she called down to me.

I smiled up at her.

"You know, Mae Lee. Git

yo'self down here. And Petey, too."

"So?"

"I gots to go to church, Willy!" she yelled down at me.

"Shh!" she suddenly said and disappeared from the window. I went and hid myself behind some branches til she come back. Her eyes was poppin' out her head when she told me to hush so I knew someone was comin'.

"Willy!" I heard her call me in a loud whisper.

"I'm here," I called and peeked through the branches.

"You gotta go!" she said from 'round the window. "My momma's done gittin' me in my church dress! I'll come git you later when I'm done with God for the day...and don't you be snortin' at me, Willy!"

I snorted up at her.

"Hog!" she spat at me.

"Psst!" someone said from the ground.

It was Petey.

I jumped down from the tree and joined him.

"No, Petey! I'll tell Momma on you!" Mae Lee threatened.

"Yeah, you tell!" Petey said. "I'm gonna git my church some other day. You go git in your frilly lace. Ain' nobody gon' play with ya later."

Mae Lee looked back into the room and then back at us nervously.

"You comin'?" Petey asked her.

"Oh, fine!"

"Here. We gonna catch you," he said to her, then looked at me. "Hey now, Willy, you git there in case she fall down thataways."

I moved to the other side of the window and got ready to catch Mae Lee.

"I'm mighty fine alone, boys," she called to us as she climbed down the lattices. She got down fine on her lonesome. Petey and me smiled at each other over Mae Lee's shoulders and we done took off towards the swamp.

"That swamp's too high today, boys," she said.

"Aww, you chicken, girl?" Petey said.

She hit him upside the head when she caught herself up with us.

"Don't you be callin' me no names, boy!"

"Oh, shh!" I said. "We gonna finish that fort today or what?"

"Yeah," they answered.

"I got us some that thatch down yonder by Blue Bills Lumber," Petey said.

"And I hepped him drag it up that doggone hill," Mae Lee added.

"Good. We'll git it finished today, then. And then we can go git them Rogers boys."

"What 'bout the girls?" asked Mae Lee.

"Yeah, them girls, too," Petey said.

Suddenly, I heard a voice callin' in the distance.

"That you, Willy?"

We all paused in between the live oaks and turned in the direction of the voice.

"Gosh darn it!" I hissed.

"Petey and Mae Lee looked at me.

It's your daddy, Willy!" Mae Lee said, her eyes popping out again.

"By God I know it, girl!"

"What ya gonna do?"

My daddy came bounding toward us.

"Willy! You git yo'self over here. You done lisnin' to your nigger lovin' momma too much and runnin' off with your dumb shit friends into that swamp agin', ain't ya?"

I looked nervously at Mae Lee and Petey.

"We ain't no nig-" Petey began but I cut him off.

"Shut up, boy!" I hissed at him. "What's goin' on, Daddy?" I said.

"You git, boy."

"Daddy, we was just…"

"You git!" he yelled, catchin' up with us. Then he yanked out his arm and pulled me up by my ear. "You git here and do what I done tell you!" I smelled his liquor breath all over me. I had no choice. I didn't want no earless head so I let my daddy pull me away. Mae Lee and Petey stood there motionless like they always done when my daddy shows up. Fat lotta good they do me. Daddy dragged me down to the road and threw me in the wagon. I bunched up in the seat and squeezed myself best I could 'gainst the corner.

"Now you tell me, boy, or you gonna git it," he said, shovin' his fist in my face.

"I don't know, Daddy!" I cried.

"You done lyin'! I know you be lyin' now, boy! What your momma up to? I know she up to somethin' with them nigger servant sonsabitches."

"I don't know, Daddy!"

He slapped me hard across the face.

"Like shit you don't, boy! You got a death wish? You tell me those musin's of your momma's or I'm gone whip you like you ain't never done git whipped before." I swallowed in a desert dry throat. But by God I couldn't tell him what Momma was up to. She ain't never told me nothin'.

"God damn you, boy!" he screamed in my face and shook me like a hurricane wind by my neck.

"Oww, Daddy! I don' know nothin'! I swear by the Lord I don' know nothin'!"

He shoved me hard into the door and whipped up the horse real good. I felt the wheels skid under us as he took off down the road.

I stayed huddled in a ball like I done last night shakin' like a baby shittin' himself. My head was hurtin' like a cannon done gone smashed it but I dint dare show Daddy none of that. He'd give me that whippin' real good no matter what and now he'd done started on that whiskey again. It was always the whiskey when he got mad and he'd been gittin' madder and madder more'n more recently. Momma said it was because he lost everythin' and needed to keep his place in the world. I'd asked what place and she said it was just in his head because he dint really believe in God. So I prayed harder 'cause I ain't never wanna end up like him beatin' the Lord's creations and hatin' in league with the Devil.

"Git up, sissy boy," he spat at me as we rolled up to our house.

I peeked out my hands and rolled out my baby ball and jumped out the wagon. He grabbed my collar again and shoved me in the house.

"You go git your nigger lovin' bitch Momma and I'll spare you that whippin'."

I ran off 'round the house lookin' for her and bumped into Miz Lacy in the kitchen.

"Hey theyah, Willy boy," she said. "Whatchoo runnin' frum so fast like?"

Then she leaned over and squinted and sized me up more.

"Whad 'e do dah ya now, baby?" she asked scrut'nizin' my head.

I put my hand up to my forehead and felt the wet and when I took my hand away it was drippin' full of blood.

"Nothin', Miz Lacy," I said quick. "I gotta find Momma. Daddy's done gone crazy."

"She out."

"At where, Missus?"

"You know it ain' none mah biznez whey ma Mistress be goin' on 'er lonesome," she said. "You know bettuh den dat."

"I done betta find her quick, Miz," I said and started runnin' out the door.

"Whatcho daddy do? He gon' beatchoo, now?"

I dint say nothin' to her but scrunched up my face and said, "I gotta go git Momma."

She put her work down and looked at me a second and then I whooped 'round fast and ran out the back door and went towards town.

I found Momma in George McCullough's General Store gittin' some fixin's for dinner.

She saw me 'fore I got to her and noticed my head bleedin' like, too, from where Daddy'd hit me.

"Oh, no, Willy boy, what he do now? Your daddy done gone crazy again?"

"Momma! You need to come home now or he gone whip me dead!" I said.

She looked at George and smiled, then took me out that store so fast I don' know what hit me.

Out on the street she done hide us behind one those big live oak trees with that gray Spanish moss hangin' all over it. We was almost hid by it, least 'nough so's not to be caught by anyone who wasn't lookin' hard.

"Now you tell me quick, Willy, what your Daddy be doin' now? How dare he hit you like that."

"He done ready to kill us, Momma. He said he gone whip me like I wished I'd never been born if you don' show up and says you done got some plan with Miz Lacy and them servants. He want you back so's to know what you up to but I done tell him I don' know nothin's."

She bit her lip and looked off down the road for a minute more worried than I ever done seen her before.

"All right, Willy. Now you listen close and do zactly what I say."

"All right, Momma," I said.

"You know your Daddy's gone be chasin' after me when I git to doin' what you know I got to do with Miz Lacy and her folks. I gotta git them outta here. Else your Daddy's sure to kill them. You hide in our place, you hear? And don' come out until mornin'."

But I dint know nothin'.

"Momma! I wanna hep you!"

"No!" She was stern and I got scared. I never seen that look in her eye before.

"You stay in there til morning when I come git you," she said.

"All right, Momma," I said but my fingers were crossed behind my back and I at least meant to peek at what she was gone be doin' that night.

"I gotta go back to George's to finish up with my stuff," she said.

"I cain't go back to Daddy til you come with me," I said. "Else he's gonna whip me."

"Don' you worry, Willy. You jus' stay with me for now and we'll be all right. And when I leave you for gittin' them out you do what I jus' told you."

"Yes, Momma," I said.

She went back to the general store and told George to hold her order and we set off down back to our place. Momma dint say nothin' the whole time til we got 'bout a quarter mile away from the house. She stopped and bent down to me and held my chin in her hand like she used to when I was wee little. And then she said what I ain't never gonna ever forget. "Look, baby. I got to do this. And it might be a disaster but you done got to listen to me good no matter what happens."

"I will, Momma," I said and I swallowed hard.

"I love you, baby. You're all I got in this godforsaken world. And I'm gone tell you now what you ought to know before it's too late and I ain't got no more time. Hold onto your soul, Willy boy, 'cause the good Lord won't be savin' you. No, baby, He won't be savin' you 'cause the good Lord never was good and the Lord of your life wasn't nobody but yourself."

"But, Momma, you said I got to believe in God and I know I done run off ev'ry Sunday but I-"

"Look, baby," she said. "You just got to listen and do what I jus' said 'cause that's the truth in life and I won't be hidin' it now. Hold onto your soul, baby, and don' let nobody take it away. Not ever. Not your Daddy and not this doggone earth. If I don' come back for you, you run. And you run fast and hard. You git outta this state. You go North. Jus' do what I say and know that you're the heaven and the earth to me and the rest of it's jus' hell all 'round. And people aren't good and don' you be goin' 'round like your Daddy or these other prejudice folk 'round here. You go North and learn what they preach. An' you follow it. You learn that it's a shame, 'specially in this day and age for what they be doin'."

"What do ya mean not comin' back?" I was gittin' scared again. "I ain't never even been there!"

"They be right there, though, Willy. And don' you never tell nobody I told you so til you git there. And know that we ain't no better than what Miz Lacy and her folk used to be. We're jus' slaves like the rest of them. And no matter what, Willy, you hold onto me inside. You hold onto me inside you no matter what happens."

"How do I know when I git there? And how do I hold on if I'm in the hidin' place and you're out runnin'?"

"You'll know, Willy Boy. You gots to git Pennsylvania. Then you're home free," she looked over her shoulder and bit her lip. "A long time ago, Willy, before you was born, there was a war here between our kind and the rest of country folk in the North. My granddaddy died in that war. Your Daddy's Daddy fought, too. Time's ought to be changin' for the better but there's too much hate and scorn 'round here so it's just done gone got worse. So you do what I tell you now because it's a dangerous world right here. You got danger in your blood but you got heart, too. Now you promise me you gone hold on to what I told you in your heart. Like you used to with the Lord."

"But Momma, why won' you come git me?" She got up and we walked the rest o' the way back to the house. By the time we got there, it was dusk. The gnats were everywhere and I swatted at them in the muggy air.

She kissed me on my forehead and she was startin' to git them tears in her eyes and I dint understand. "Go the back way, Willy," she whispered. "Your Daddy won't be seein' you if you go thataway." I dint move. "Go, Willy!"

I ran 'round the back and crawled into the hidin' place like she said. By the time I got in tight like always it was dark out and I sat there listenin' hard like I never done before.

While I sat there waitin' for whatever it was, I got to thinkin' 'bout all that Momma'd told me and I knew that somethin' dint fit. She'd gone on 'bout slavery before and how we was nothin' but slaves like everybody else, 'specially the black folk. And how we would git out this town and go to where it was cold like in the North and not with this thick heat all over the swamp. I dint know what the North was really but she talked 'bout feelin' the cold there and how she'd rather be freezin' in the free than burnin' in the muck. I'd do anything for my Momma and I used to dream 'bout feelin' cold and playin' in the snow like she said. Now I knew from the way she was talkin' that afternoon that she was scared and that she was scared of dyin'. That's why she done told me all that 'bout God and whatnot. Then I decided that I ain't gone be stuck in this hole while she goes runnin'. I'm gone be with her if she be goin' to the grave. So I listened careful and crawled out the floor and came out on the side of the house. I heard people movin' 'round close to me, 'bout five yards away down the side of the house and crept up close and listened.

"Follow me now," I heard my Momma say. I squinted and couldn't see her at first. She had four people with her and I made them out once my eyes started gittin' used to the dark. It was Miz Lacy and her family. Then I saw Momma all painted up dark like them so's to disguise herself and I suddenly I knew what she was doin' and I shook.

From behind me I heard the horses comin' and I pressed myself up against the house. It was Daddy and his men, bout ten of them. Only way I knew it was Daddy was 'cause I recognized our ridin' horse Benjy. Daddy was all dressed up in his white sheets, carryin' them crosses and shotguns slung 'bout him. That's when I froze and couldn't move no more.

"There's them niggers!" one of them called.

I pressed myself even harder up against the house and closed my eyes, prayin' that Momma and Miz Lacy and them would all git safe. I opened my eyes a bit and saw them runnin' fast off in the distance, toward the highway. But Daddy and his men done seen them and gone after them and I just pressed up like a coward against the house.

I heard them screamin' in the dark but I dare not move and then the horses and screamin' got closer. That's when I saw them draggin' Momma and Miz Lacy and all them by them horses.

"We gone show you what your place be niggers," Daddy growled and him and his men shoved them all around.

"Look here," one of them said. "Looks like we's got a nigger lover." He shoved my Momma 'round on the ground and reared up on the horse in front of her, 'fore all them mens done grab them all up and drag them at a gallop towards town.

That's when I stopped prayin'. My whole body wouldn't quit shakin' and I stayed pressed up against the house. I heard them screamin' all the way there, though, and I saw the fire start in the distance and I knew it was them crosses. I heard the whole town cheerin' but I couldn't move 'til it all went quiet. I stayed pressed up against that house 'til mornin' and then I finally moved.

When I got to town, the square was empty but for the crosses, and the smoke still blew around everywhere 'cause it couldn't lift on account of the fog and the wet. I looked around for my Momma and then I saw her hangin' there. I saw her and Miz Lacy and her husband, Wilbur, and the kids all hangin' there swayin' in the tree.

I stood there not movin', not feelin' but felt my head buzzin' and I couldn't do nothin' no more. I couldn't even shake. And I thought, "Sorry, Momma. I cain't run nowhere because I done be a coward stuck like stone." I stood there watchin' them sway with the breeze in the tree all peaceful like and dint see nothin' else 'cause I knew that my Momma done died in the tree that night and I was alone.